Mark Twain is up there with American luminaries such as Will Rogers, Lucille Ball, Woody Allen, Dorothy Parker, Ambrose Bierce, Betty White, Thomas Nast, Gary Larson, Phyllis Diller, Joan Rivers, Charlie Chaplin, and Carl Reiner. This is, of course, a shockingly truncated list. Mark Twain quotes have stood the test of time for their penetrating, serious character as well as their satirical and humorous quality. Here are those quotes in the Wisdom Archive, over 36,000-strong now…
Indeed, this author asks whatever happened to America’s sense of humor? I think that might be a bit exaggerated, but it does seem like the tenseness of the modern era makes it so that people have fairly thin skins. Especially on social media, many individuals are wont to jump down someone’s throat for a perceived infraction – or even just an ideological difference of opinion.
Let us look to one of America’s great humorists for some insight. Mark Twain quotes never seem to get old. They are rich, insightful, and eye-opening. Ever the satirist, he took aim at people in power, governmental leaders, and even religion. From the mundane to the significant, Twain lived a long time and little escaped his careful eye. We are lucky to have had a man such as him write so much nonfiction, commentary, invective, and social criticism. We were the better for it then, and now we can look back on Mark Twain quotes and be proud we can count him as an American. Sometimes society seems so disconcerting that I long for people such as him to be here now.
Without further ado, Mark Twain quotes, quips, insights, and revelations (primarily the funny, wry, or satirical ones):
The man who doesn’t read good books has no advantage over the man who can’t read them.
Education is the path from cocky ignorance to miserable uncertainty.
Wit is the sudden marriage of ideas which, before their union, were not perceived to have any relation.
Laughter without a tinge of philosophy is but a sneeze of humor. Genuine humor is replete with wisdom.
We may not pay Satan reverence, for that would be indiscreet, but we can at least respect his talents.
I wish to become rich so that I can instruct the people and glorify honest poverty like those kind-hearted, fat, benevolent people do.
I believe our Heavenly Father invented man because he was disappointed in the monkey.
Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.
I have lived a long life and had many troubles, most of which never happened.
The gentle reader will never, never know what a consummate ass he can become until he goes abroad.
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure.
Let us be thankful for the fools. But for them, the rest of us could not succeed.
The trouble with most of us is that we know too much that ain’t so.
Always do right; this will gratify some people and astonish the rest.
If Christ were here now, there is one thing he would not be: a Christian.
Of the delights of this world, man cares most for sexual intercourse – yet he has left it out of his heaven.
There are many humorous things in the world, among them the white man’s notion that he is less savage than the other savages.
I never told the truth in my life that someone didn’t say I was lying, and I never told a lie that somebody didn’t take it as a fact.
It were not best that we should think alike; it is difference of opinion that makes horse races.
Such is the human race. Often it does seem such a pity that Noah … didn’t miss the boat.
As an example to others – not that I care for moderation myself – it has always been my rule never to smoke when asleep, and never to refrain when awake. And I have made it a rule never to smoke more than one cigar at a time.
The human race is a race of cowards, and I am not only marching in that procession, I am carrying a banner.
I admire the serene assurance of those who have religious faith. It is wonderful to observe the calm confidence of a Christian with four aces.
I never let my schooling interfere with my education.
I hope you enjoyed these Mark Twain quotes. The Wisdom Archive also has hundreds of quotations from comedians, philosophers, teachers, businesspeople, rebels, believers, politicians, economists, and mothers. Look ’em up!