Attempting to describe this mood in which I sometimes am
Is like attempting to understand the invisible molecule;
I know it’s there but I can not understand the rule;
My hope for this poem is that it will be like a tool.
At times I feel caged, as the man institutionalized;
It feels like what has been described to me as apathy;
There is a tightness, like Gore’s yearning to be free
It is as though some insecurity has a firm grip on me.
Hesitation dwells in the place previously of action;
My sentient soul seems under a spell, like atrophy
I cannot visualize branching out, being all I can be
I am figuratively sitting in darkness: I cannot see.
I think my neurotransmitters are used to responding
In a certain way when I imagine some social situation,
Most likely a result of heredity and internalization
Of social failures, maintained by self-observation.
A curse I live with is a tireless, analytical mind;
A double-edged sword with a dubious genesis.
I expect a snake because my brain creates a hiss.
The same mind that serves me is also my nemesis.
True, there is some risk, but not acting is an action;
My defunct memories haunt me like a loathsome ghost;
I am writing the same old book again, never transposed.
Fresh experiences are perhaps what I need the most.
Here is a poem that is somewhat similar in case you like what you’re reading.
“Time I Wrote a New Book” © Jason Merchey 1999-2018